Week 4: Not the Time to be Stubborn

Typcially, I avoid writing out my goals. There’s something about it that bores me. I don’t even like writing down my grocery list for some reason. I prefer to try to keep all the information in my mind, if possible. To be even more honest with myself about writing down my goals, I simply find it frustrating. Asking me to write out my goals and the steps to reach it is asking me for specifics I don’t know, and I get frustrated with mysef having to admit that I’m not sure what I’m doing or that I don’t know what I want or need. Shouldn’t I know these things?

Just like I inevitably forget to buy one or two things on my mental shopping list, I forget some steps I should’ve taken to reach my goal. I can’t remember a helpful piece of advice, or I forget to email a person. And just like how I end up picking up items off the shelf that I technically don’t need but would be nice to have, I find myself doing things that could help me reach my goal, and while these activities may be helpful, they often end up being extraneous.

The lesson is this: If I don’t want to walk up and down every aisle of the grocery store, I need to write down my list. If I don’t want to feel like I’m aimlessly doing things trying to reach my vocational goal, I need to write it down my goal and some practical steps to get there. Writing these things down may not keep me from wandering around or doing extraneous things along the way, but it will tell me what I need to focus on. It’s all about focus.

Trying to enflesh my dreams via filling out the goal-setting document was not something I wanted to do at first, but I knew I had to do. I knew it would be helpful, and it wasn’t the time for me to be stubborn about it. Surprisingly, I found it a bit enjoyable. It felt good knowing that I did know some concrete steps I could take. I mentioned in my first reflection post that I needed to stop telling myself that I don’t know what I’m doing. Turns out, writing down my steps to attain my goal counteracts that lie that I keep telling myself.

I do have a vocational goal. It might change, but I currently do have one. And I do know of some steps I can take to help grow toward that vocation. I do know what I’m doing.

To make the task more fun, I decided to make it a coloring project. I got this thing called a Rocketbook as a gift last year. You can draw on it with special markers and pens, scan it, then instantly upload it to Google drive. It’s pretty nifty, but the scans are so-so in quality. My apologies if it’s hard to read!

4 thoughts on “Week 4: Not the Time to be Stubborn

  1. Revalon,

    Thank you for sharing both your goal visuals and process. It seems you were hard on yourself at first, so I’m glad you could push through that (as someone who is hard on herself as well, this gives me insight into my own setbacks in planning…). I sense the excitement both in your visual and the way you describe enfleshing your dreams. This takes courage. And I find being courageous is hard but exhilarating.

    How did it feel to create this? How did it feel afterward? Does this affirm your dream and goal at all? Does reflecting on your creative process, underline any part of your visual?

    I hope that you continue discerning and acting on this dream of making the Church really inclusive to LBGTQ+ people — it would be a gift to your community and Church.

  2. Revalon, I really appreciate this thought you wrote: “Turns out, writing down my steps to attain my goal counteracts that lie that I keep telling myself.” I imagine the lies to come from the outside which gets internalized. The lies of internalized sexism, internalized racism, internalized homophobia, etc. Which makes your goal setting, focused visual all the more beautiful, all the more powerful, all the more brilliant. You remind me that we have to be intentional about setting out our vision and putting it in a place where we can keep seeing it as a tool for remembering. Remembering counteracts the lies that would have us forget. Focusing and Remembering. Thank you.

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