When the prompt invited dreams, what emerged was lament. In my learning group on Wednesday, and in a 1-1 conversation with Luke Monday, that lament was held with such respect. I was invited to reflect on how I have moved through grief in the past. I met with my therapist that afternoon, took a long walk that evening, and slept hard and long that night. I woke up Thursday with my soul cooking something within me. Once I was given blessing to be in a place of grief and lament, I was able to dream (which was the assignment in the first place…isn’t the Spirit like that!). Lament makes way for newness (Brueggemann)
“Sit down and play/ with the holy sand God has given you” (emilie townes) – I have been playing with the sand, playing with “what ifs” and beginning to dream as I look over job postings. An insight came that it is time to re-vision, re-story, re-view, re-collect the threads of the last six years of my life since I left Virginia to discern Religious life. What are the graces to collect and build on (recognizing and refusing the temptations to see discerning “no” as failure, or to see the wild leap of faith I took in 2014 as a waste) as I look ahead?
A variety of circumstances (and, let’s call it grace) led me to make retreat starting next Tuesday night (at a place in rural northern Wisconsin with very few COVID cases). Time to walk, sleep, pray, journal, rest, integrate, be “with” this DDS community, let God be God. Deeply grateful – for the last several years, I have done a week-long silent retreat in June. I realize my soul was hungry for it .
What if there is no happily ever after and there is just the right next step…and then the next one, after that? The next bend in the road, with just enough light to move forward…sure that we will see the goodness of the Lord, in the land of the living.