Week 2 Reflection: Celebrating with Ice Cream

I had my regularly scheduled call with my gender therapist this morning. And what began as a check-in about navigating coming out to a particular friend quickly turned into a 45 minute session about what kindness means to me. Though we spent only 5 minutes talking about anything vaguely gender related, after this conversation about kindness, compassion, and radical inclusion, I left that session feeling more equipped to talk to my friend about my gender dysphoria somehow. I left that session saying to myself, “You know what, I’m smart. I have so much potential. I’m capable of having important conversations, even if they are hard. I have strong interpersonal skills that lead me to act compassionately. I’m feeling good about myself today. I deserve to buy myself some ice cream to celebrate.”

The thing is, when I’m stressed, I don’t believe any of that is true about me. It all becomes a center point of shame instead of a thing of empowerment.

As I seal in my learning from this week, re-reading my post and digesting the comments, I realize I have to stop telling myself that I don’t know what I’m doing. Sometimes I’m too focused on the problem and what I need to have to solve it to realize that I have gifts and talents that are guiding me to ways to participate in the solution already. If I view my gifts as not simply good enough but as good in and of themselves, then I doubt I’d feel as aimless all the time. I hope that as I move forward to continually un-shame my way of being, and recognize it as something powerful instead.

I feel like just today alone I’ve taken a step forward in my discernment process. And that makes me feel happy. Thank God for Fridays, and for therapists, and for this community.  And ice cream.

2 thoughts on “Week 2 Reflection: Celebrating with Ice Cream

  1. “I realize I have to stop telling myself that I don’t know what I’m doing.”

    (very) Good AND enough.

  2. This part of you, which hindus and buddhists call the buddhi, and which I suppose Christians would call the soul, is able to witness what you are telling yourself, and rightly see whether it is true or not, and offer gentle correction into speaking truthfully and compassionately towards the self, just as we are taught to do to others. Why are we not taught to do the same for ourselves?

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