In the small group sharing of this week, I mentioned “wounded healer” as I do think of myself that way. In all the years that I have searched for ways for healing, I have discovered many life skills that I never learned when growing up, which I think is common for many people. I also think that my own yearning and desire for healing is common to many people. Our world is hurting so much. The recent events in our country and world are examples of that, but sin, woundedness and hurt have always existed in our world.
In my meditation yesterday morning, I was complaining about WHY it seems God isn’t around when I need God the most. What I heard God say to me was, “If you think you have been alone without me when you have done all the scary things you have had to do, realize you are stronger and braver than you think you are. But even when you haven’t felt me with you, I have always had your back.” Maybe I need to start telling myself a different story – one where I AM able to do more than I think I can. It seems God has more confidence in me than I do in myself. Maybe what I need to do is go back to my “story” and re-write it in a more positive light, where I get the support from my dad that I always wanted and needed so I can change my set point of who I think I am.
All the skills and techniques that I have gained in my life, I know work for me and have worked for others – they have told me many times. So I guess that my loaves and fish that I bring are my own experiences, which I need to believe in more, and then share them with others. I need to believe in my niece, Jessica, who as a life coach, explained the necessity for claiming and owning my own power – something I have never done.
In my meditation last night, I held my ipad with a livestream of the Blessed Sacrament that has been streamed at my parish during this pandemic. I imagined a scene where my dad had said unkind and hurtful things to me. I replayed that scene with him saying the things that I had longed for him to say instead. It was amazing how I was able to allow his new words, words I have needed to hear, sank deep inside me. I felt a shift within of how I had thought of myself, my relationship with my dad and also how in hearing those words from my dad was also a way of me hearing them from God at the same time. Their voices seemed to merge together, both saying what my weary heart longed for so long.
This morning, I feel different. I feel that my dad has my back and is willing and now able to open the doors that will help me do whatever I want to do. He couldn’t do it while he lived here because of his own unhealed wounds, but he isn’t limited by them anymore. Now I had the dad I always wanted and I have his support to do what I want to do to help others heal also. Through this experience, and others, I realize how guided imagery and meditation can be very healing. I think I would like to be able to offer something with this in my presentations, retreats, and workshops that I have given and prepared. I can do this. I just need to get some direction and then wait for the doors to open. My dad will help me. I think it’s time.