Reflection Script – Week 2 Prompt

In the small group sharing of this week, I mentioned “wounded healer” as I do think of myself that way.  In all the years that I have searched for ways for healing, I have discovered many life skills that I never learned when growing up, which I think is common for many people.  I also think that my own yearning and desire for healing is common to many people.  Our world is hurting so much.  The recent events in our country and world are examples of that, but sin, woundedness and hurt have always existed in our world.

In my meditation yesterday morning, I was complaining about WHY it seems God isn’t around when I need God the most.  What I heard God say to me was, “If you think you have been alone without me when you have done all the scary things you have had to do, realize you are stronger and braver than you think you are.  But even when you haven’t felt me with you, I have always had your back.”  Maybe I need to start telling myself a different story – one where I AM able to do more than I think I can.  It seems God has more confidence in me than I do in myself.  Maybe what I need to do is go back to my “story” and re-write it in a more positive light, where I get the support from my dad that I always wanted and needed so I can change my set point of who I think I am.

All the skills and techniques that I have gained in my life, I know work for me and have worked for others – they have told me many times.  So I guess that my loaves and fish that I bring are my own experiences, which I need to believe in more, and then share them with others.  I need to believe in my niece, Jessica, who as a life coach, explained the necessity for claiming and owning my own power – something I have never done.

In my meditation last night, I held my ipad with a livestream of the Blessed Sacrament that has been streamed at my parish during this pandemic.  I imagined a scene where my dad had said unkind and hurtful things to me.  I replayed that scene with him saying the things that I had longed for him to say instead.  It was amazing how I was able to allow his new words, words I have needed to hear, sank deep inside me.  I felt a shift within of how I had thought of myself, my relationship with my dad and also how in hearing those words from my dad was also a way of me hearing them from God at the same time.  Their voices seemed to merge together, both saying what my weary heart longed for so long.

This morning, I feel different.  I feel that my dad has my back and is willing and now able to open the doors that will help me do whatever I want to do.  He couldn’t do it while he lived here because of his own unhealed wounds, but he isn’t limited by them anymore.  Now I had the dad I always wanted and I have his support to do what I want to do to help others heal also.  Through this experience, and others, I realize how guided imagery and meditation can be very healing.  I think I would like to be able to offer something with this in my presentations, retreats, and workshops that I have given and prepared.  I can do this.  I just need to get some direction and then wait for the doors to open.  My dad will help me.  I think it’s time.

11 thoughts on “Reflection Script – Week 2 Prompt

  1. “Maybe I need to start telling myself a different story – one where I AM able to do more than I think I can.”

    You have been running Diaconal Formation in one of the (the?!) largest dioceses in the United States, under the guidance of the Archbishop who now serves as President of the US Conference of Catholic Bishops.

    What would it mean to leverage where you are, to get where you want to go?

    To demand the resources for the program of formation — particularly for Latino women’s growth and leadership (and challenging the machismo culture that often goes un-checked in Church space??) — not as something you do on the side or tinker on the edges with.
    But that you run. That you lead. That you draw resources and talent towards your vision because you can see how it’s part of sharing the love you know that God has for you, and each one of us — with those who need to hear it in a new key, in a language they can understand, in a safe space, with the authority of the church behind you.

    Of course: I have no idea what your vision is. What God is calling you to. And it’s not my vision to come to birth. It’s yours.

    But what if you write it bold. Write it big. WHY NOT.

    John 14:12-14
    “Amen, amen, I say to you, whoever believes in me will do the works that I do, and will do greater ones than these, because I am going to the Father.
    And whatever you ask in my name, I will do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son
    If you ask anything of me in my name, I will do it.”

  2. Thank you, Casey, for posing the questions you have here. When I first read them, I was struck by the idea of, “Yeah, why not?” I will definitely bring this idea to prayer to see what will bubble up as possibilities. It does sound like something that is needed for so many, and I think I can see myself doing something like this, but definitely not in diaconate formation. But, what about in the Religious Ed department? That might work. I look forward to bringing this to prayer and listening deeply to whatever God may surface in my heart. Blessings.

  3. Jenny, I appreciate how creative and life-giving your meditation experience was in which you imagined your dad as now being able to support you the way you always longed for. If we believe that when we die the moment comes when God is able to heal our remaining wounds as we pass to the other side, then your dad’s death and the healing of his wounds actually opens up the possibility for a new relationship with him that gives you life. I can imagine you offering this imaginative meditation to Latina women and what a powerful healing experience this would be. You are tapping into something that is a big need.

    1. Thank you for your comment, Ellie. I was actually thinking the same thing. Regarding my program that I created about 8-9 years ago, I was thinking of reviewing again to include more such techniques that could be offered to others, especially Latina women. I am starting to feel a stirring of something that I could possibly offer to others so that they could find healing and empowerment. I pray that I can continue to keep listening deeply and that something will take shape to offer to others. Blessings.

  4. “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.

    See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
    I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

    The wild animals honor me, the jackals and the owls,
    because I provide water in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland,
    to give drink to my people, my chosen,
    the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim my praise.“

    (Isaiah 43:18-21)

  5. “It seems God has more confidence in me than I do in myself.” The best career mentor I ever had in my life had the uncanny ability to see in me what I could not see in myself. He knew just how far to stretch me outside my comfort zone without setting me up to fail. And then hen I succeeded at the task he put before me, he’d say, “I knew you could do it!” and I was all the more confident in my own abilities because of the experience. My mother always said that God doesn’t give us a heavier cross than we can carry. God knows our strength better than we do when we are struggling with a heavy burden. But, like Jesus, God gives us community to help us carry our crosses when we need it. You have been part of that community for me and I know that I am not alone in being able to say that. (There are at least three other MAMs!)

    I love the Scripture passage from Isaiah which Suzanne posted, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
    See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?” How cool that we can still be made anew!

    Thank you for sharing your loaves and fish with me! Love you, Jenny!

  6. Thank you, Suzanne, for the wonderful scripture passage reminding me of what new things God is doing in me and in the rest of us. Sometimes we do need the reminders (well, I do!) because we seem to lose sight of where God is and what God is doing in our lives and in the lives of those around us. Thank you again.

    Barbara, I do believe that we need community in order to keep moving forward. I could never have gone through the Masters program without you and the other MAMs! Thank you for your support in the past and in this journey present here. Love you too!

  7. Dear Jenny,
    I am relating with your posts so much, and I see that you are a leader in your vulnerability. Some of our current church leaders are defensive and self-protective; you are a church leader who is not afraid to allow others to see your wounds (just like Christ was not afraid for his wounds to be touched.) I think that in this you are showing us how to lead. I am profoundly grateful.
    I am praying with you for your call towards women’s healing that you wrote about for this week’s reflection script. I am praying that this door will open!
    Come, Holy Spirit!

  8. Dear Leah,
    Thank you so much for your kind words. I am stunned by your positive way of describing my vulnerability. I have always seen myself as “so weak” because of my woundedness and I think that is why I have searched most of my life for ways to heal and then bring healing to others. I will have to ponder deeply on your words as they are not something that I had a way of looking at before. Thank you for your words and for your prayers. May you find the blessings and graces that you are seeking and that God is yearning to give to you! Blessings.

  9. I often tell my incarcerated students that there is no time with God. We can pray for ourselves in the past, we can pray for others in the past, and it can affect the present. I love that you received this gift from your dad in the Blessed Sacrament. Now that’s showing up for Adoration, staying present and attentive, knowing that you will receive a blessing, just like Jacob with the angel.

    1. Thank you, Sheila, for stating that, yes, there is no time with God. We really can pray for ourselves, for others in both the past, present and future because God is in all of those “times” that we are limited in. But God is not. Blessings.

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