I’m very glad to be here. It’s been a helluva few years…and the reason it took me a week to write to you all, and to begin to read your introductions, dreams, and loves, is that I found out last week that I am moving to a new city, in a new context, for a new job, next week. I am very happy and excited for this change, but I am still carrying around the unexpressed weight and confusion of a year spent seemingly powerless in the face of great suffering and great injustice, and then another six months spent uncovering some of my own deepest obstacles to intimacy and compassion. It’s been a lot. I know that others have been there and this calls me into conversation, thankful for the opportunity at community offered here.
I can’t bring myself to write a whole history right now, but the bottom line is that I need to start making sense again of my call in my/the world exactly as it is. I haven’t really been able to write about vocation or my own experience since March 2019, and I think it’s because God called me into some life situations and contexts that shattered my ego-founded optimism about the world and my ability to influence it in the way I wanted to.
These experiences are really important to my dream of participating fully in a church that is more open, more life-giving, more just than the church I see now…but it is clear that to participate in a real way I need to be right-sized…let God do the heavy lifting…be brave and just show up. I want to be able to share my story and stories of my encounters with others, without trying to be God. I have come to the point that I see my vocation is not about #winning…but I don’t know exactly how to relate to it in a different way.
One of my favorite paintings is “I and the Village” by Marc Chagall. There is something about the man and the horse gazing tenderly at each other; the woman milking the cow; the string of colorful beads and the houses, right-side-up and upside-down, all in vivid colors, that makes me feel at peace in my own mind and in love with a world that seems to be a mixture of solids and dreams. <3
I look forward to listening and sharing, and seeing what ideas and stances we can shape individually, in dialogue.
with respect, gratitude and hope,